About Me

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Hi! Welcome to the party!

These are the rambling of a 30-something disabled woman trying to find a new direction in life after all my plans went out of the window due to disability. I suffer from Fibromyalgia, Degenerative Disc Disease, and Hypermobility, which is just a magical combination, reducing my mobility and causing me chronic pain. I also have mental health issues.

I don’t want this blog to be a sad place as if you couldn’t tell from the title, and I’m determined to live my life to the full, mobility issues be damned!

I live in North Yorkshire, England, with my husband (G), my cat Elphie, my Border Terrier Tilly, and 3 snakes. Until last year I was a manager in the Pub industry, now I do design work and marketing for the pub company I have worked for since 2011.

 

My interests are gaming, movies, reading, crafting, and archery. I used to enjoy caving and rambling, but they aren’t something I can really do anymore. Nothing wrong with my upper body though. I’m a massive geek, and love Star Wars, Star Trek, Game of Thrones, Marvel movies and sci-fi and fantasy in general. I also enjoy a good horror movie. I read comics a lot, my current favourites are Lumberjanes, Saga, and Rat Queens, and read a lot of fantasy novels.

I love tattoos and have 16 so far, but the number will grow!

I’m mildly obsessed with Irregular Choice shoes, even if I can’t wear most of them!

I am also interested in all things Gothic and Steampunk and try and attend Whitby Gothic Weekend as often as I can.

I am a feminist, and support LGBT+ rights, and whilst I enjoy good spirited debate, I will not tolerate bullying or shaming of any kind. Live and Let Live.

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A Little Backstory.

Around February 2017, things went Wrong.  Life didn’t just give me lemons, it planted the bloody tree in my garden.  Or so it seemed at the time.

I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia in 2013, around the time I started having back problems as well.  I’d been working in pubs for a while and was in the process of working my way up the ladder (I started off as a housekeeper in 2011 and worked my way up).  At first, my only symptoms were burning pains across my skin on my shoulders, and tiredness, which I was able to cope with.  With the back problems, sure, I had to be careful lifting and carrying things, but I found ways around things like that.  And so my career progressed, going from Duty Manager to Assistant Manager, to General Manager.  I was on the way up, and eventually, I wanted my own pub.  I still had a few aches and pains, but nothing major, and I was coping.  Life was good.

The in February 2017, out of the blue one day I was suddenly struck down with horrendous pain in my left hip and leg.  After a trip to A&E, it became clear that there was nothing obviously wrong with my left hip, so I was sent home with strong painkillers and told to rest.  Nothing seemed to help, and the pain got worse and seriously interfered with my job.  So in April that year, I made the decision to stand down as GM of the pub I was running, and do Marketing for the company instead.

After many visits to a Musculoskeletal specialist, a few MRI scans, and a nerve conduction test, it was determined that I have Degenerative Disc Disease in my lower spine, which is trapping nerves, causing sciatica type pain.  The Fibromyalgia makes the pain worse, and it’s now at the point that I can only walk short distances aided by a walking stick, and even that exhausts me.  On my best days, I’m in moderate pain, on my worst the pain is severe, but I also get numb patches up and down my leg and foot.  Ever walked on a numb foot?  It’s not easy!

In December 2017 I was told by a specialist that there was no treatment for my Fibromyalgia, other than pain management.  I was 37 years old and felt like I was 90.   At the staff Christmas party, I danced to three songs (with my walking stick) and ended up in bed for two days in agony.  My husband and I also moved into a new house, and I found the hard way I couldn’t help him do the move.  I felt awful.

I’d been carrying on the best I could, but in January 2018 I had a breakdown and ended up needing emergency mental health care.  I was at rock bottom, and I didn’t see a way back up.  My health had degenerated so fast, my entire life was thrown into chaos.  I didn’t see I had a future.  I was suicidal.  Luckily a combination of intensive therapy and a change in medication, I have come out of the other side and couldn’t be happier.  I’ve accepted my limitations, and am finding ways around them.

This blog is a way for me to write about my journey from here on.  It can only go up from now on!